How do we listen deeply to our children and to each other?

It’s so easy to want to fix our children or partners when we hear their problems or complaints. After listening for a moment, we want to give them suggestions or advice so they feel better or don’t repeat their mistakes. Sometimes they may seem upset afterwards. Why is that? You might be surprised to learn there are many different ways to listen, mainly problem-solving listening and empathic listening. Often we get into conflict because we are not using the type of listening that is needed or expected, which can result in hurt feelings on both sides.

The October theme at Horizon is “Deep Listening,” which is empathic listening. Empathy is about listening to the emotions the other person is describing and striving to understand their perspective. A typical question you might use when listening with empathy is, “How do you feel about this?” rather than, “How do we fix this?”

Additionally, empathic listening involves reflecting back what you understand about those feelings to the other person. As a result, they feel supported by you. A phrase such as, “Wow, that’s awful. If I were you, I would feel the same way” demonstrates that you understand and empathize with that person, and that you are with them in this moment of distress. When practicing empathic listening, you show that you understand the emotion through your tone of voice and your presence, not by trying to fix the problem.

On Sunday Rev. Lora will explore “Honest Listening.” In worship and our 6-9 year olds will hear the book, “The Rabbit Listened” by Cori Doerrfield to learn how to listen with their hearts. So the next time a family member shares a problem with you, don’t jump in to fix them, but instead give empathic listening a try.